No.

Effing.

Way.

They rip off a line from Braveheart? Does Marvel even have an editor reading this book? The second or third most recognizable line from a blockbuster Oscar winner gets past the editor? Seriously? Pak and Van Lente are some lazy writers. Though I guess the very non-Edith Hamilton reveal is a bit of a surprise.

And I guess I wasn’t expecting Amadeus Cho’s “girlfriend” to be such a useless character. I figured Pak and Van Lente might actually pull that one off all right. Big shock, they didn’t.

I think this issue’s the last, which is good, because reading such drivel puts me in a bad mood.

Even the Agents of Atlas story concludes without much dramatic heft. It’s a capital b big deal, but it’s told in layered, third-person summary to give it that heft and it’s all pretty eh, which makes me sad.

The full onslaught of chatter between Amadeus Cho and Hercules has to be one of the most astoundingly stupid things I’ve ever read. Still, there’s some moderately okay drama in this issue. The art’s still atrocious though, so it’s hard to muddle through.

The issue’s pacing is really funny, as the characters are racing against time, only to have more than enough time for everything.

And it’s really funny a Marvel comic book ripped off The Dark Knight. You’d think someone would have noticed it.

Lots of bad Greek god flashbacks again this issue. I can’t figure out who this comic book is made for… someone who likes bad writing and bad art?

The Atlas backup has one of the best one liners from Ken I can remember in quite a while and Parker manages to get in a lot of very solid character dialogue in an action-heavy story.

Wait, Amadeus Cho is straight? I didn’t want to say they wrote him gay because I thought he might be Marvel’s attempt at a gay mainstream character but if he’s straight… it’s the most incompetent job of someone writing a heterosexual since… well, I don’t know when, maybe… umm… wow. He’s straight, really? And in love with a gorgon?

Anyway, this issue is lame, big shock. Lots of wasted pages with superheroes fighting Greek gods, which is boring as all hell. Edith Hamilton be damned, let’s read some Marvel gods. It’s laughable compared to what Perez did on Wonder Woman, but whatever.

The art’s weak as well. Especially on Amadeus Cho.

The Atlas backup is nice, Parker getting his backup pacing chops going here. There’s some humor, some action. It feels like Atlas. It’s just too bad there’s so little of it, especially given the feature story is such crap.

So Hercules isn’t just a moron, he’s got a weird little Asian sidekick who’s super-smart? I mean, what would Wertham have to say about their creepy little relationship? Actually, it’s not creepy. It’s just dumb. But since the Assault on New Olympus prologue killed off so many brain cells, this issue doesn’t seem as bad. It’s a terrible, terrible Marvel superhero comic. But it’s not like Cable or something. It’s not Deadpool.

The Asian sidekick, Amadeus Cho, reads like a sidekick from an eighties television show. Like if “Automan” had a little kid sidekick. Oh, wait, he’s Short Round.

There’s some fighting, some jokes, some Christian propaganda.

The only reason to read it is the Agents of Atlas backup, which is a lot better than last time.

Parker’s got better pacing this time and he’s got the team together (Venus brainwashed was trouble). He pulls the recovery off well.

Marvel dumped the Hulk from his own title to give it to Hercules? Hercules?

He’s an idiot. Reading this special, the Hercules part, is like watching a moron bumble through some superhero adventures; it’s so stupid, it’s sad.

Also sad is the artwork, Rodney Buchemi is a practical–since when did Marvel decide it was all right to run these amateurs on their B-titles. This guy isn’t ready for a Fruit Pie advertisement, much less a lengthy comic book.

His Hercules is just goofy, but his Peter Parker is just awful.

And, as my first unmarried Spidey book in a while… wow, de-aging Peter Parker is a terrible, terrible idea. The character flops.

Unfortunately, the Agents of Atlas backup flops too. It’s too short a story for Parker to really establish anything; instead, it’s just a series of events. It’s not even clear Venus is brainwashed.

Very disappointed.

Wait, what?

Okay, I get it. Agents of Atlas can’t make the grade sales-wise so there need to be team-ups–Parker’s the best writer Marvel has working on their mainstream stuff right now (sorry, Ed, but I can’t forgive some of the Daredevil and X-Men lows)–someone realizes it and doesn’t want him to jump ship to DC, who wouldn’t appreciate him, but he more jibes with their stuff anyway.

This issue reveals the whole series just to be an Atlas comic. It’s got nothing to do with X-Men other than as a McGuffin. I mean, whatever, I get it… but still, it’s shameful Atlas can’t get a solid reading audience.

What am I saying? I should be grateful for any good comic books at all, given the depths of idiocy pop culture has descended to in the last fifteen years.

Oh, yeah. Great comic book.

Ok, so I’m not sure it’s really a “versus” book. I mean, sure, it’s got the Atlas guys fighting the X-Men, but it’s really just an Agents of Atlas issue with an X-Men crossover (much like the New Avengers crossover early in the Atlas series).

Parker does an unsurprisingly fantastic job, though I wish there’d been a little more recap–I can’t remember if Venus got snatched in the Atlas finale, though I know for sure Parker did start laying the groundwork. He mixes the unfunny X-Men brilliantly with the humorous, but serious, Atlas team.

Pagulayan’s artwork is excellent as always, a slick modern Marvel style without sacrificing expressiveness. The backup, which is just a fun insert instead of dramatically important, has lovely art from Samnee. Along with the other Atlas backups, it does more to establish the series’s perceived playfulness than anything in the modern stories.

Parker wraps it all up nicely, answering some half-asked questions (i.e. what was the dragon thinking sending him over to see Jade Claw without a briefing), while not seeming like he’s doing anything abrupt. There’s even something organic about it, since Temugin joined the team at the start and now he’s off on his own, returning the status quo.

Unfortunately, the art’s split between Hardman and Panosian, with an emphasis on Panosian, so it doesn’t look as good as it could. But Parker nicely does an almost all-action issue, giving the impression of no dramatic points or even breathers (but they’re there, in fact, the the issue takes place over two days, but I didn’t remember that point–having read it ten minutes ago–until I looked back).

It’s a fine close to the series–Parker gets most of his threads closed.

But I need more Atlas.

Is Parker’s intent to make me cry, to weep for this brilliant comic book in its second-to-last issue of the ongoing? Because he’s close to successful. I mean, wow. Parker turns in maybe the best “team” book issue I can remember reading here. It’s a perfect comic book (even if the coloring on Hardman’s art is a little problematic in the darker scenes).

Let’s see, Parker gets in a lot of story (he even introduces a new subplot, which is kind of mean, given there’s only one more issue), with the threat of the Jade Claw being a big thing, but there’s also lots of character stuff. The comic’s separated into chapters and when it gets to Bob’s (titled “The Smart Guy”), it’s devastating how much is being put on him, and Parker’s showing it to us, even though Bob doesn’t say a word the entire time.

Wonderful.

Do I complain too much about artist changes on Agents of Atlas? Because, if I do, I’m going to really seem like I can’t stop as I’m now going to complain about Dan Panosian. He does an adequate job, but he really doesn’t have enough fluidity to his forms, especially given how much action this issue ends up having.

I think Parker knew the ongoing series was winding down at this point, because he’s tying it all together here. It’s maybe the first issue I finished reading and didn’t really have an impression from. It’s good stuff, but there’s nothing lasting about it. There are some nice details–the intro of the opposing dragon, if a misfire, is well executed and it’s hard not to smile at Parker’s treatment of Bruce Banner–but it just doesn’t add up to anything concrete.

I hope it’s not a sign Parker’s lost interest.