No.

Effing.

Way.

They rip off a line from Braveheart? Does Marvel even have an editor reading this book? The second or third most recognizable line from a blockbuster Oscar winner gets past the editor? Seriously? Pak and Van Lente are some lazy writers. Though I guess the very non-Edith Hamilton reveal is a bit of a surprise.

And I guess I wasn’t expecting Amadeus Cho’s “girlfriend” to be such a useless character. I figured Pak and Van Lente might actually pull that one off all right. Big shock, they didn’t.

I think this issue’s the last, which is good, because reading such drivel puts me in a bad mood.

Even the Agents of Atlas story concludes without much dramatic heft. It’s a capital b big deal, but it’s told in layered, third-person summary to give it that heft and it’s all pretty eh, which makes me sad.

The full onslaught of chatter between Amadeus Cho and Hercules has to be one of the most astoundingly stupid things I’ve ever read. Still, there’s some moderately okay drama in this issue. The art’s still atrocious though, so it’s hard to muddle through.

The issue’s pacing is really funny, as the characters are racing against time, only to have more than enough time for everything.

And it’s really funny a Marvel comic book ripped off The Dark Knight. You’d think someone would have noticed it.

Lots of bad Greek god flashbacks again this issue. I can’t figure out who this comic book is made for… someone who likes bad writing and bad art?

The Atlas backup has one of the best one liners from Ken I can remember in quite a while and Parker manages to get in a lot of very solid character dialogue in an action-heavy story.

Wait, Amadeus Cho is straight? I didn’t want to say they wrote him gay because I thought he might be Marvel’s attempt at a gay mainstream character but if he’s straight… it’s the most incompetent job of someone writing a heterosexual since… well, I don’t know when, maybe… umm… wow. He’s straight, really? And in love with a gorgon?

Anyway, this issue is lame, big shock. Lots of wasted pages with superheroes fighting Greek gods, which is boring as all hell. Edith Hamilton be damned, let’s read some Marvel gods. It’s laughable compared to what Perez did on Wonder Woman, but whatever.

The art’s weak as well. Especially on Amadeus Cho.

The Atlas backup is nice, Parker getting his backup pacing chops going here. There’s some humor, some action. It feels like Atlas. It’s just too bad there’s so little of it, especially given the feature story is such crap.

So Hercules isn’t just a moron, he’s got a weird little Asian sidekick who’s super-smart? I mean, what would Wertham have to say about their creepy little relationship? Actually, it’s not creepy. It’s just dumb. But since the Assault on New Olympus prologue killed off so many brain cells, this issue doesn’t seem as bad. It’s a terrible, terrible Marvel superhero comic. But it’s not like Cable or something. It’s not Deadpool.

The Asian sidekick, Amadeus Cho, reads like a sidekick from an eighties television show. Like if “Automan” had a little kid sidekick. Oh, wait, he’s Short Round.

There’s some fighting, some jokes, some Christian propaganda.

The only reason to read it is the Agents of Atlas backup, which is a lot better than last time.

Parker’s got better pacing this time and he’s got the team together (Venus brainwashed was trouble). He pulls the recovery off well.

Wait, what?

Okay, I get it. Agents of Atlas can’t make the grade sales-wise so there need to be team-ups–Parker’s the best writer Marvel has working on their mainstream stuff right now (sorry, Ed, but I can’t forgive some of the Daredevil and X-Men lows)–someone realizes it and doesn’t want him to jump ship to DC, who wouldn’t appreciate him, but he more jibes with their stuff anyway.

This issue reveals the whole series just to be an Atlas comic. It’s got nothing to do with X-Men other than as a McGuffin. I mean, whatever, I get it… but still, it’s shameful Atlas can’t get a solid reading audience.

What am I saying? I should be grateful for any good comic books at all, given the depths of idiocy pop culture has descended to in the last fifteen years.

Oh, yeah. Great comic book.

Parker wraps it all up nicely, answering some half-asked questions (i.e. what was the dragon thinking sending him over to see Jade Claw without a briefing), while not seeming like he’s doing anything abrupt. There’s even something organic about it, since Temugin joined the team at the start and now he’s off on his own, returning the status quo.

Unfortunately, the art’s split between Hardman and Panosian, with an emphasis on Panosian, so it doesn’t look as good as it could. But Parker nicely does an almost all-action issue, giving the impression of no dramatic points or even breathers (but they’re there, in fact, the the issue takes place over two days, but I didn’t remember that point–having read it ten minutes ago–until I looked back).

It’s a fine close to the series–Parker gets most of his threads closed.

But I need more Atlas.

Is Parker’s intent to make me cry, to weep for this brilliant comic book in its second-to-last issue of the ongoing? Because he’s close to successful. I mean, wow. Parker turns in maybe the best “team” book issue I can remember reading here. It’s a perfect comic book (even if the coloring on Hardman’s art is a little problematic in the darker scenes).

Let’s see, Parker gets in a lot of story (he even introduces a new subplot, which is kind of mean, given there’s only one more issue), with the threat of the Jade Claw being a big thing, but there’s also lots of character stuff. The comic’s separated into chapters and when it gets to Bob’s (titled “The Smart Guy”), it’s devastating how much is being put on him, and Parker’s showing it to us, even though Bob doesn’t say a word the entire time.

Wonderful.

Parker basically undoes what he did in the previous issue–the Namor and Namora romance, at least the impending nuptials–as fast as he can. There are some backstory developments and some supporting cast developments, but it’s really just an excellent exercise in drama. Parker’s undoing of this romance, he does it in one issue instead of twelve (the modern story-arc is so much different than even fifteen years ago), is superior because of his storytelling ability.

It’s hard to imagine the narrative going any differently–especially with all that undersea life for Bob to get naughty, touchy-feely thoughts about–and there’s where Parker truly succeeds. Even though it’s a fast resolution, which retcons Namor and Namora’s entire existence, Parker sells it.

The issue is apparently the last one with the “Dark Reign” tag on the front, which Parker clearly references in the issue, with Jimmy discussing it.

What am I going to say about him doing a breather issue with the sixth? Ostensibly, it’s another action issue–there’s the cover promised fight between the Agents and the Atlanteans–but it’s really this mellow, relaxing sixty-two year payoff in the story between Namor and Namora. Parker doesn’t miss the opportunity for humor (underseas hillbillies), but it’s really just a nice issue.

Having Gabriel Hardman on the art helps, since he did the flashback scenes in the previous four issues and seems to have a better grasp of the Agents of Atlas at rest than anyone else has so far in this series.

Parker has time not just for his humor, his romance, his fight scenes and his catch-up (the way M-11 gets put back together is just awesome–and off-page), his also has time to develop Jimmy’s character.

It’s the best issue so far.

Parker brings his two stories together to great success, even if Clayton Henry’s art is uglier this time around (last issue they seemed to be going some kind of connection to Pagulayan’s–here it’s clean and bright, kind of like art on action figure packaging).

But, again, Hardman’s art makes up for it. Parker ties his two stories together with a nod toward Brubaker’s recent Captain America flashbacks–seeing Gorillaman in a Brubaker and Epting Cap scene is a little nutty and not at all played for humor, Parker’s way too subtle for it (which makes him a little different from Marvel’s last wunderkind, Dan Slott)–but also with a hint at the depth of the future stories. It’s Levitz’s ABC method, only applied to Marvel (but in a very pre-Didio DC way).

The issue ends with everything brought modern, which gives it a lovely feel. Parker’s just fantastic.